Note: This article is an updated version of Willa Wang’s article published in 2023.
By the time you’re reading this, you’ve been assigned a roommate (or two) and may have even met them already. Due to their emphasis on community and growth via a residential experience, Bates strongly discourages “finding a roommate.” In fact, I’ve never come across a Bates student that knew or requested their freshman year roommate. Mostly, you trust that this random person you’re paired with will be awesome and cool just like you because you both got into Bates.
Residential life is a vital part of college. It might be the first time for some of you to live with another person, while others may be seasoned veterans in room-sharing. No matter your background, sharing a room with a stranger while going through a major life transition is a challenge. Three key practices will make you successful in becoming a good roommate: respect, compromise and communication.
- Be respectful to your roommate.
You and your roommate are paired up by the Office of Residence Life (ResLife) based on the survey you submitted in late July. Even though ResLife has tried their best to pair students with similar lifestyles and habits, it is inevitable that you and your roommate will differ in some ways. For example, one roommate might like to sleep with the windows open for the air flow while the other may like to keep the windows closed for a quieter environment. There’s an obvious difference here that can easily be communicated. Respect and acknowledge your differences. Maybe just crack the window open on your side of the room.
- Communication is key.
Whenever you feel uncomfortable about your roommate’s behavior or lifestyle, try to communicate with them directly. For instance, “Hey, you didn’t lock the door this morning. Could you lock the door when you go out?” Ignoring the situation won’t benefit anyone. Complaining about the situation to other friends also won’t benefit anyone.
- Learn to compromise and set boundaries.
Inevitably, you and your roommate(s) will disagree. In these situations, you must find a middle ground. This usually will involve some sort of sacrifice of your own wants to partially satisfy your roommate’s wants. My roommate and I grew up in different climates and preferred the room to be different temperatures – I ran cold and she ran hot. To compromise, I would wear an extra layer to sleep and she would keep a fan running on her side of the room.
Setting and holding a boundary can be difficult, but alas, it is a vital skill to have for all your future roommate and general relationship endeavors. Here’s an example of how to set a boundary:
Roommate A has a very sensitive nose and Roommate B has just come back from the gym. Roommate B hasn’t done laundry in weeks and their dirty clothes are spilling onto the floor.
Roommate A: Hey Roommate B, I’ve noticed that you haven’t done your laundry for a bit. Is everything okay?
Roommate B: Yeah, I tried to do it last week but every machine was full. I’m sorry my side is messy.
Roommate A: It’s okay if your side is messy, but it’s starting to smell a bit and I can’t open the windows because it’s snowing. I know that the machines are usually more free in the mornings and on weekdays. They’re probably free right now.
Roommate B: I’m sorry about the scent. I’ll take a shower then put a load in. Thank you for communicating your boundaries.
Roommate A: You’re welcome. Thank you for being such a great listener.
Does any boundary setting conversation ever end like this? No. But this is my article and I make the rules. There are places here where either roommate could have gotten defensive or hostile or even just a little bit passive aggressive. Pro tip: try to avoid all of those things.
Here is an example how not to set a boundary:
Roommate A: Your stinky laundry smells so bad my olfactory sense has completely numbed itself to all smell. You should do your laundry soon, you lazy sack.
Hopefully, with these three tips, you and your roommate will build trust in each other and get along. It takes time to transition from your original lifestyle to college residential life. Some people take longer than others. Be patient with yourself and your roommate. If these tips don’t help in your situation, please reach out to your Junior Advisor (JA). JAs are there to help you and as upperclassmen they have probably dealt with roommate issues.
Sometimes, difficult situations are caused by other factors beyond residential space. As a first-year student and an 18-ish-year-old, you might feel unfamiliar with a new campus. You might come from a place far away from Bates and are experiencing homesickness. You might not find your new friends yet and miss your high school friends. You might feel lost. These are all important experiences of college life. Be kind to yourself. Find your own spaces on campus.
No matter what happens, communicate! Most situations can be resolved. I wish you a wonderful residential journey with your roommate and hope you will get along famously with each other for many years to come.
