When we talk about our classmates, acquaintances, and commons crushes at Bates, using their first name usually does the trick. But there are a few names for which this method falls short. So, we thought up 10 of the most burning and revealing questions we could, and scheduled interviews to differentiate between the people that share the name Zach. In the freshman class alone, there are at least six Zachs. Unfortunately, we only got to four of them but we’ll take the 66 percent success rate with pride.

Q&A with Zach Jawor

Who are you and where are you from?
I am from Lewiston, Maine. I am Zach Jawor. My family is from Lewiston. I went to Lewiston High school. And now I’m at Bates.

What’s your intended major/field of study? 
I’m trying to study Philosophy and Chinese Language.

What do you think defines you?
Honestly, I just like to learn. I’d consider myself a curious person. So I guess curiosity is a big part of who I am.

What sets you apart from other Zachs at Bates?
We’re all so amazing that it’s hard to differentiate us, but I think I like cats more than the others.
Author’s Note: He has 4 cats one of which is named Zachcat.

Do you have any fun talents/hidden abilities?
I don’t think I have many abilities, but I have played in a lot of chess tournaments. And I have won the Maine State Chess Tournament, so my special ability is to win tournaments.

If you could be the absolute best at anything in the world, with zero chance of failure, what would you do?
Honestly, taking tests.

Have you met/are you friends with any of the other Zachs?
Yeah, Zacahriah Richards is probably one of my closest friends on campus, so he’s a great guy. It’s great, people walk around saying “Oh look, it’s the Zachs.” It’s funny every time. He is also very tall, I think we are probably identical heights, so it’s very interesting. He’s probably my best friend. We have a lot in common. We both like to talk.

If a book were to be written about you what would it be titled?
We’ll have to come back. Upon circling back: I really don’t know.

Do you think human morality is learned or innate?
I don’t believe in objective morality, so in that case I’d say it’s learned. But I think that there are… (he pauses and cuts off his thoughts) final answer is learned.

If correlation DID imply causation, what is the weirdest thing you could prove?
That being named “Zach” would mean you get into Bates.

Q&A with Zach Marchick

Who are you and where are you from?
I am Zach Marchick and I am from Washington D.C.

What’s your intended major/field of study?
I think Politics.

What do you think defines you?
I think I’m defined by the joy that I bring to friends and family.

What sets you apart from other Zachs at Bates?
Zach Richards is a lot taller than me. Zach Rosenthal and I are both Jewish. Zach Richards has had a very interesting travel journey…he’s lived in like ten different places and I’ve lived in the same place my whole life which is kinda boring so there’s one thing. I don’t know who the other guys are.

Do you have any fun talents/hidden abilities?
I know every word of “American Pie.” It’s nine minutes.

If you could be the absolute best at anything in the world, with zero chance of failure, what would you do?
Basketball.

Have you met/are you friends with any of the other Zachs?
Author’s Note: Since Marchick only knew two Zachs, we asked him to rank them instead.
Zach Richards, then Zach Rosenthal.

If a book were to be written about you what would it be titled?
Make it something about red hair… no, I’ll go with something simple: E-ZACH-ly

Do you think human morality is learned or innate?
I think it’s innate, actually wait, I think it’s learned. It’s something that you can be taught throughout life, that’s what you go to school for. I think people can be born into situations where they’re not given the right skills to have morality.

If correlation DID imply causation, what is the weirdest thing you could prove?
All ski accidents happen on the last run of the day.

Q&A with Zach Richards

Who are you and where are you from?
My name is Zach Richards, I’m from Princeton, Massachusetts.

What’s your intended major/field of study?
Probably politics and economics, maybe history.

What do you think defines you?
I don’t know… I’d say that I’m someone who gets very passionate about a few things such as history, sports a little bit. I really enjoy talking to people about these things; I really enjoy having my opinions tested.

What sets you apart from other Zachs at Bates?
I would say I’m a little taller but that’s not true because Jawor beat me by one inch. I don’t actually know much about the background of the other Zachs, but I didn’t grow up in the United States. I was born in Nantucket, Massachusetts, then when I was six, I moved to the UK and lived in London for four years. Then, I moved to Saudi Arabia for four years. Then, I moved to Dubai for four years. Then, I moved to Amherst, Massachusetts for my senior year of high school.

Do you have any fun talents/hidden abilities?
I’d say my hidden talent is typing.
Author’s Note: Zach was then forced to prove his hidden talent. He scored 135 words per minute with one mistake.

If you could be the absolute best at anything in the world, with zero chance of failure, what would you do?
Maybe writing.

Have you met/are you friends with any of the other Zachs?
Yes, I am good friends with Zachary Jawor as well as Rosenthal. I’m also friends with Marchick, and I was in the same FYS as Zach Weinstein.

If a book were to be written about you what would it be titled?
The Biography of Zach Richards.

Do you think human morality is learned or innate?
Both, probably.

If correlation DID imply causation, what is the weirdest thing you could prove?
So I’ve noticed that whenever I go to a major city, there are a lot of pigeons and everyone knows in major cities crime is higher.
Author’s Note: To clarify, Richards is saying the pigeons could be causing crime in cities.

Q&A with Zach Weinstein

Who are you and where are you from?
This question gave me an existential crisis. I’m from Royal Oak, Michigan which is part of the Detroit area. And yes, every wonderful thing you have heard about Detroit is 100% correct and not at all exaggerated!

What do you think defines you?
I think that my eclectic interests that really don’t seem to work with each other are pretty defining. I can go from watching an obscure black and white short film from 1963 to reading philosophy for “fun” to shopping for cassettes within a few hours.

What sets you apart from other Zachs at Bates?
I haven’t met many of them, so I can’t answer this question super well. However, I would say that there’s probably not a conspiracy involving all Zachs being clones or something along those lines.

Have you met any of the other Zachs?
The only other Zach I have met is Zach Richards, he was in my First Year Seminar.

Do you have any fun talents/hidden abilities?
I’m pretty good at ceramics, and can (kind-of) run a studio if I really needed to, but I don’t currently do ceramics at Bates.

What is your intended major/field of study? (and why)
I plan to major in history and minor in both Teacher Education and Philosophy. I’m currently planning on being a history teacher after Bates. Many people tell me that I remind them of their high school history teacher. I don’t think that’s a good thing, but at least I know that the profession fits my personality. I also really like studying philosophy so I figured I might as well make it official with the minor.

If a book were to be written about you, what would it be titled?
I think it should be called The Bible 2, not because it would have anything to do with the first one or even be about religion, I just think it would be good for sales if they finally made a sequel.

If you could be the absolute best at anything in the world, with zero chance of failure, what would you do?
I would like to be the best at learning new things. If I am the best at that, then I can just learn whatever I want and become pretty good (even if I’m not the best) at a ton of stuff. I think it would just give me a lot of freedom to be good at whatever I want.