During my tenure as a student at Bates, I have felt heavily conflicted between my desire to graduate, get a respectable job, marry, start a family and my deep-rooted anxiety about the collapse of society. I would not say it is inevitable, however, I would argue that it is highly probable. The Strauss-Howe generational theory predicts a major societal collapse every 80 to 100 years. 

We see this play out historically in the West with surprising accuracy (specifically World War II, then the revolutions of 1848, etc.). We’re about due for another major calamity and it’s difficult to not see one coming. Russia is in Ukraine and floods in Pakistan have displaced millions. Reversing the effects of climate change seems less likely as time progresses, and America seems to slip further into either total collapse or autocratic rule after each election cycle (probably some sort of military junta or Christian fascism). 

Anyway, I’m not saying you should read this, drop out of Bates and spend the remainder of your college funds to purchase a bunker in Alaska. I’m suggesting a more measured response. If we all work collectively, I believe we can pressure our prestigious institution into offering courses that help prepare for the apocalypse. 

Imagine a semester where you take Econometrics and Linear Algebra, accompanied by Intro to Farming and Aquaponics or Advanced Theory of Penicillin Production. These course options would play well with the liberalrts curriculum, and Bates would be able to fully embody the slogan, ‘preparing you for the real world.’ Additionally, this would give us an edge over our rival schools. Imagine 10 years from now, Marjorie Taylor Green is the president of the Christian republic while brutal guerilla warfare slogs out on each coast. 

Meanwhile, in Northern Maine, far from the control of any government, a contingent of Bates College alumni armed with the knowledge from their Irrigation 101 course has established a small commune with running water, heating, and stores of food (most likely potatoes) that can last us well through the harsh winters. In contrast, a Colby alumni is struggling to even start a fire. Will we accept him into our community? No, he knew the decision he was making when he decided to go to a school with a mule as a mascot. Anyway, Roll Cats.