The other day while I was tapping through Instagram stories and minding my own business, I came across a post from a girl I went to high school with. She’s a varsity athlete at Trinity College, a NESCAC school in Connecticut, and her post contained a graphic from the college’s athletics account.

“FEAR THE CHICKEN,” the post read. It included spliced photos of several winter athletes, and in the middle was the most bizarre angry cartoon chicken I had ever seen. “There is no way a chicken is their mascot,” I mused out loud and alone, like a crazy person. But alas, after a quick Google search, I found out that the Bantam (a type of small, aggressive chicken) was in fact their mascot. 

I was disturbed. I was distraught. But, most importantly, I was curious. I soon fell down the rabbit hole of NESCAC mascot costumes and let me tell you, what our league boasts in prestige we lack in good mascots. I laughed. I cried. I became fearful (shout out to the Hamilton Continental). Here is my very official and correct Managing Sports Editor ranking of the NESCAC mascot costumes.

Gallery • 11 Photos

LAST PLACE: Amherst College. They’re kind of disqualified because although they have a mascot, they have yet to create a mascot costume — despicable. Student fans used to attend games dressed as Lord Jeff, but it turns out he was deeply racist and murdered Indigenous Americans with blankets covered in smallpox, which is obviously a huge no-no. They are now the Mammoths. I know for a fact that one of the options they were considering during the switch was the Hamsters; I think they should have done this because it’s hilarious (and an anagram for Amherst, but most importantly, it’s funny).